Big, Black Boxes of Sin

I don’t know about your members, but I go to the gym for one reason: to watch hot chicks and smokin’ guys shake their stuff. There, I said it. I don’t run for an hour on the treadmill for my health; I do it so I can get an eyeful of scantily clad women lip-syncing to top 40 hits, or bumping and grinding next to a shirtless, scowling rap star. Don’t call the cops just yet — I’m not doing anything illegal. I’m just watching the videos playing on the TVs scattered throughout the club. Those big, black boxes of sin are chock full of sex, I tell you. SEX!

OK, so the previous paragraph is not entirely true. I don’t actually go to the gym to watch music videos. I do run on the treadmill for my health, but I’ve only clocked an hour once and that nearly killed me. But there is a group of concerned — no, HORRIFIED — students in Utah who are doing whatever they possibly can to get that filth off two area Gold’s Gym closed-circuit televisions.

I promise you, this time I’m not kidding.

Five “organizations that fight pornography in the community are upset with the videos at the gym and say they have collected nearly 1,000 signatures on a petition calling on Gold’s Gym to quit showing the videos,” reports KSL5. Dallen Johnson told the KSL5 reporter, “I’ve had to leave, honestly! There have been four times I’ve run out of the cardio cinema because of racy and inappropriate things being shown, things I personally view as pornography.” You know, there are certain shoe displays so alluring that I view them as pornography, but I’m not demanding that the stores take them down. I just want a discount.

Jesse Yaffe says the injustice goes even further. Not only does Gold’s broadcast porn, but apparently those sadists force him to watch it. “Once you are a member here, you basically don’t have the choice anymore,” Yaffe told the reporter. “You’re forced to watch indecent material because it seems everywhere you go there’s a TV.” And you thought your members wanted entertainment options!

Gold’s Gym officials in Utah, bless their hearts, are taking the time to listen to the students’ complaints. “Gold’s says music helps to energize people who are there to exercise, and say they don’t want anyone to be offended at the gym during their workout experience,” reports KSL5.

However, it seems the offenses don’t stop at lascivious videos. The students have demanded that Gold’s install blinds on the group exercise room because the exercisers’ “dancing” is “very provocative.” Unless the cocktail-loving ladies from Flirty Girls Fitness have stumbled into a Gold’s by mistake after a wild night of pole dancing, I fail to see how group exercise could be so provocative it should be behind closed doors.

Don’t get me wrong. Some people prefer a more modest environment to work out in, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Heck, we’ve written about facilities that cater to those people. But it’s my opinion that Gold’s should stay strong. A club should not change to accommodate the few — nor should it do so in a manner that suggests all of its other locations are doing something wrong or indecent. If the students are unhappy there, then Gold’s should refund their money and send them on their way.

And I’m not kidding about that, either.